Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
