I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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