Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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