I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?