Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.