I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
