PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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