Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
