Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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