**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
