My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
