is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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