i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
