Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
