My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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