Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
