I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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