You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
