Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
