Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
