Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize