ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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