just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?