Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(863): View more from Florida

I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.

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(969): View more from

I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.

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(410): View more from Maryland

You threw up with your ski mask on still.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?

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(512): View more from Texas

I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.

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