Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA