Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever

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  (734): It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever http://tfl.nu/iaws
  Replies (12) Good night (6733) Bad night (658)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great

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  (908): Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great http://tfl.nu/tjsf
  Replies (38) Good night (11268) Bad night (1602)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?

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  (443): Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here? http://tfl.nu/y0ko
  Replies (7) Good night (3111) Bad night (1144)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.

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  (906): I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up. http://tfl.nu/m243
  Replies (16) Good night (4064) Bad night (939)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  That changes everything.

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  (360): I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy. (1-360): That changes everything. http://tfl.nu/pss9
  Replies (27) Good night (5157) Bad night (912)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.

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  (303): It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac. http://tfl.nu/tpbw
  Replies (28) Good night (1360) Bad night (12973)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

  (917): View more from New York City

  what kind of party is this?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best kind ever

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  (610): can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home? (917): what kind of party is this? (610): the best kind ever http://tfl.nu/ib1r
  Replies (22) Good night (8127) Bad night (1296)
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  (909): View more from California

  He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.

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  (909): He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me. http://tfl.nu/a0xa
  Replies (19) Good night (2472) Bad night (6085)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year

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  (414): Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year http://tfl.nu/dko3
  Replies (3) Good night (1096) Bad night (589)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  Wait, that's an option?

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  (757): YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE. (1-757): Wait, that's an option? http://tfl.nu/2xp5
  Replies (5) Good night (1475) Bad night (470)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life

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  (618): If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life http://tfl.nu/dpod
  Replies (6) Good night (664) Bad night (867)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.

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  (812): Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check. http://tfl.nu/axr2
  Replies (6) Good night (559) Bad night (436)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy

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  (215): i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy http://tfl.nu/9sod
  Replies (2) Good night (633) Bad night (354)
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  (718): View more from New York

  This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out

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  (718): This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out http://tfl.nu/nzmu
  Replies (6) Good night (310) Bad night (509)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.

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  (503): I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor. http://tfl.nu/j2x4
  Replies (3) Good night (419) Bad night (226)

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