Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"