Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.

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  (207): I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated. http://tfl.nu/fawe
  Replies (8) Good night (714) Bad night (2188)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.

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  (715): He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat. http://tfl.nu/ain9
  Replies (88) Good night (922) Bad night (13337)
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  (925): View more from California

  can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet

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  (925): can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet http://tfl.nu/pj67
  Replies (26) Good night (4594) Bad night (1263)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

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  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (30574) Bad night (2382)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.

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  (404): She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more. http://tfl.nu/sgvu
  Replies (12) Good night (4806) Bad night (1367)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.

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  (423): Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach. http://tfl.nu/tnd1
  Replies (6) Good night (2449) Bad night (1213)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.

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  (561): I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life. http://tfl.nu/gxts
  Replies (2) Good night (1617) Bad night (885)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening

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  (321): I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening http://tfl.nu/wlci
  Replies (4) Good night (1286) Bad night (470)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.

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  (336): Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings. http://tfl.nu/e4bs
  Replies (6) Good night (974) Bad night (683)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.

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  (610): I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/j7oy
  Replies (7) Good night (683) Bad night (1600)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!

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  (832): I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM! http://tfl.nu/isug
  Replies (3) Good night (600) Bad night (281)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.

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  (917): The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad. http://tfl.nu/oau9
  Replies (7) Good night (397) Bad night (619)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account

  (971): View more from Oregon

  It could happen to you too!

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  (971): Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account (971): It could happen to you too! http://tfl.nu/bwgy
  Replies (11) Good night (1675) Bad night (281)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.

  (281): View more from Texas

  You're a hero.

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  (832): Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too. (281): You're a hero. http://tfl.nu/xn5z
  Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (314)
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  (858): View more from California

  I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs

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  (858): I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs http://tfl.nu/dt4v
  Replies (1) Good night (355) Bad night (197)

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