we made out on top of his cat.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted