I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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