I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
