I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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