her vagina looked like bernie madoff
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
