I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
