After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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