I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
