Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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