highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
