So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
