You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
either way he was missing a nipple.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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