was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
