sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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