I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
