Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
