is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
