So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
