so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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