I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I've blown a few things in my day
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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