One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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