If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Pooping to opera.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
