I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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