I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize