Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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