Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
where does the pee come out of this thing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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