Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
