No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
