we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
