Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
