did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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