she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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