My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
