I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
