Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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