I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
