Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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