You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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