A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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