I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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