with your own penis?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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