2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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