Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
