Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
