it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
