Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
