hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
3 2 1 whiskey
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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