the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
