you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
