help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
