ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
