Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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