yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
