Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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